I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
