I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sext me about skeletons
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
