Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
