Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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