So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
