i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
