The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
