Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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