3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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