Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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