The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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