I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
