I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
