It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
