does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
how drunk are you?
Several
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
