New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
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I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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