it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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