i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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