fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
