Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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