Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
