I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
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I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
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Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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