Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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