I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
