I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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