And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
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Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
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I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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