WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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