I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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