you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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