i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
