Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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