someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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