u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
