meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
