i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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