I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
