Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
