4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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