Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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