oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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