We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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