Moan for me like Helen Keller
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
