there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
