I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
