this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
