Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
