i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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