I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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