Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Be still, my beating vagina.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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