The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
