PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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