My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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