summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
