I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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