i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
