i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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