from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
