Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
