oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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