Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
