She went from zero to smokin in five shots
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
