Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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