Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
