Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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