We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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