dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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