Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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