We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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