Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
