I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
