remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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