did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
