Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
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We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
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There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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