Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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