Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
