I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize