I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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