Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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