You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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